Exit Wounds
by dontyouthink13
Summary: Bella & Edward are hopelessly in love; or at least, she thinks they are. What happens when Bella finds Edward was with someone else? Will she ever forgive him? Will he even try to win her back?
1. Chapter 1 Exit Wounds

_ "My hands are cold, my body's numb,_  
_ I'm still in shock, what have you done?_  
_ My head is pounding, my vision's blurred,_  
_ Your mouth is moving, I don't hear a word."_

I sat on the bed, my arms around my knees in a desperate manner, to keep from falling apart.

I couldn't even think of what I had seen, because I was sure that if I even put the image in my mind I would not be able to keep from crying anymore.  
But like the masochist I was, my mind wandered back to that moment, and the moment before it had all happened.  
I know you're wondering, "What's wrong?" and you're wondering why I'm trying so hard to keep from crying and screaming at the world.

I won't tell your our love story, because if I do, I'll just pass out, and I can't relive these moments right now.

But I will tell you what ruined it.

_~flashback_

I giggled as Edward once again pulled me to him, his vibrant emerald green eyes looking into my brown ones. He grinned at me so high, his eyes were barely visible because of his cheeks. He leaned into kiss me, and I desperately tried not to get too lost in him, because I knew I had to leave soon. "Edward." I spoke, my words muffled against his lips. I pulled away, laughing again as he started to leave kisses along my jaw. "Edward, I promise I'll be back in 1 hour, but it'll be longer if you don't let me go," I said, trying not to get distracted by his lingering kisses.  
He pulled back, pouting. "But I already miss you," He said, holding me tighter. My heart melted, and I smiled. I gave him one last kiss, and I said, "I know, but I really need to go." He sighed in defeat, but smiled. I hugged him, saying, "I lovelovelove you." He chuckled, saying he lovelovelove'd me too.  
But tell me, dear readers, how was I supposed to know that was the last time I would actually believe him when he told me these words? How was I supposed to know, that when I walked out his door, that, that would be the last time I ever wanted to walk through them again?  
I didn't know. But now I wish I did.

_~1 hour later_

I smiled as I drove my old Chevy to Edward's, thinking about how much fun I had helping Angela sort out invitations for her family. I seriously needed to hang out with someone who didn't erupt butterflies in my stomach every second of the day. Plus, Angela was always kind.

My thoughts became confused when I pulled up, to see Rosalie's car there. Maybe she was here to see Emmett. She can barely get her hands off of him during school, and I can't imagine what they're doing now. I chuckled, and I wondered if Edward wanted to go to the movies to give them, and us, a bit of privacy. I was thinking about it, as I used the key under the matt to get inside. Edward, and I had been together for a year now, and my heart still melts when his mother told me where the key was, and that I was welcomed anytime I needed something. "anything," she had emphasized.  
The house was... unusually silent, since I was under the assumption that Emmett was here. I was surprised his booming laugh wasn't echoing off the walls. Then, I noticed that Emmett's car wasn't even here. "Is Edward and Rosalie here alone?" I thought, confused. I walked up the stairs, my heart thumping loudly against my chest, for reasons unknown to me. My feet froze when I saw a trail of clothes going up the steps. In the back of my mind, I already knew. Of course. Of course. Yet, my heart refused to believe it, so I followed the trail up to Edward's room. I heard whispering voices, and jumped when I heard Rosalie's loud moan. My hands rose up to cover my mouth, but like the stupid little girl I am, I wouldn't believe it. I leaned closer, and found the door was opened a bit, wide enough for me what was inside.  
All I saw was Rosalie's painted toenails, and the rest of the clothes that was on his floor. Then, my heart broken, I heard Edward's voice. "We have to be quick today, Bella can be coming any minute." He whispered.  
Rosalie moaned, but this time in frustration. But she made no protest. "You'd think after a month we wouldn't take so long," she panted. Edward didn't respond, and I still couldn't see anything. With sudden courage, ignoring the squeaky bed sounds, I opened the door, preparing myself for the worst.  
Which was stupid. I should have prepared myself for the unimaginable. The horrifying.

_The heartbreaking._

Edward and Rose froze at the same time I did, and my throat felt dry, and I couldn't speak.  
The sight before me would not leave my mind for years, I was sure.  
Edward and Rosalie, naked, in his bed. He was on top of her, practically covering every inch of her body with his, just like he did to me when we got tired of movies on his floor, and decided on soft kisses on the bed.  
My hand gripped the doorknob tightly, my other hand shaking. He finally looked up at me, his face horrified, scared, and guilty. All I could process in my mind was, "How could you?"  
I cleared my throat audibly, and I said, "I'm gonna go now."  
As soon as I was out of their sight, I began running, tears pouring down my face, and tried to calm down when I was successfully in my truck. I gripped the steering wheel tightly, sobbing quietly, and jumped when I heard someone tapping on my window. It was Emmett. I opened the door, and he looked at me concerned. "Bella, what's wrong?"  
My face scrunched up when I realized this would hurt him so much too. Rosalie was practically his life. Yet, it would be so unfair to him if I didn't tell him.  
"Edward... and... bed... naked," I cried out into his chest when he hugged me. He stiffened, my words all he needed to figure it out. He turned around to go into his house, probably to scream at him, and I said, "Emmett." He turned around at my broken voice, confused again. "With Rosalie," I breathed out. His face turned into shock, and pain. He nodded, lips pursed, and went into the house. I shut my door again, and prepared myself to leave.  
The last thing I saw was Emmett kicking Rosalie out with livid, and yet, broken eyes.  
I decided that my heart was left on that opened door, and that it was no longer beating in my chest.

_~now_  
I cried silently, remembering. Remembering how we fell in love, how it had all come apart in a matter of minutes. I had just gotten home, and was thankful that Charlie wasn't here. I changed into my sweats, and now I found myself lying on my side, curling around my pillow, and screaming into it when I felt the pain the most. It had come to me in waves, calming down, allowing me to breathe, then turning so bad that I hoped I would pass out. But I never did. I was left wide awake in this nightmare.

The waves crashing over me had calmed, and my phone started ringing. My stomach churned at the prospect of talking to Edward if it was him, but I felt relief when it was just Emmett. I answered the phone, and didn't bother masking the watery tone to my voice. "Hello?" I whispered. "Bella. I'm... I'm sorry if I interrupted something, but I... I really needed someone to talk to." He said, his voice breaking. "Okay." I whispered. "After I walked into the room, they were... they were getting dressed, Rosalie crying, and Edward just shocked, and also seemed to be spitting words out to himself. He seemed keen on going after you, but I forbid him. I also locked the door from the outside, leaving him no choice. Afterwards, not even being able to look at her, I told her to get out, and to never talk to me again. She tried to apologize, to explain but I wouldn't let her. And now I'm here, and Edward's just wallowing in his bedroom, and I feel so... so..." He ranted, and then sounded on the verge of crying.  
My lip trembled, as I said, "I know."

He sighed, but then said in a much cheerful voice, "Can I pick you up from your house?"  
My stomach churned at the thought of going back. "And where would we go?"

He seemed to think about it, and said, "We could just talk in my car in this old abandoned parking lot. I don't think you want to come back here." I appreciated that Emmett just seemed to know my feelings towards his home right now. Especially since the owner of my heart, who had broken it, seemed to be inside of it.  
But then I also thought of how I didn't want to become involved in anything that was somehow related to Edward. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be able to forget him. How could I not, though? I loved him, with everything inside of me. I needed to decide whether getting more involved would be the best solution. I then decided, that it wasn't.  
"Thanks, Emmett. But, I just really want to be alone right now, okay? Don't be offended, I just... I need time."  
Emmett understood, and we hung up. Already feeling the crushing waves coming in, I grabbed my pillow, preparing for the worst.


	2. Chapter 2 Exit Wounds

**Why, hello, lovely readers! ;3 First, I want to say that you guys have NO idea how incredibly grateful I am because a few wonderful people actually like this story! It fills my heart with joy, let me tell you. I love your reviews, please keep them coming! If you want to correct me on something, or have a suggestion, PLEASE, tell me! I would appreciate it! Don't be afraid to ask questions if you're confused, I don't bite. I would be happy to answer them. Well, without anything else to say, here's the new chapter! I'm sorry it's not so long, but I'll update real soon, I promise! Enjoy.~**

* * *

_ "Maybe I should have seen the signs,_  
_ should've read the writings on the wall,_  
_ and realize, by the distance in your eyes,_  
_ that I would be the one to fall."_

~ Taylor Swift, "A Perfectly Good Heart."

I awoke the next morning, my eyes feeling sore and tired. For a moment, none of what had happened yesterday was real. For a moment, my heart was still beating in my chest, and Edward was still only mine.  
Then it hit me, the image of Edward and Rosalie in his bed, Emmett kicking her out, Emmett calling me sounding no better than I did. Again, my eyes welled with tears, and I let them fall peacefully. Eventually, I sat up, and ignored the clock which read 4:48 a.m. I went into the shower, not feeling the piercing cold, and washed myself. With the anger I didn't know I had, I clawed at my skin, trying to rid myself of the parts where Edward had been, where I could still feel his touch.

After I was done, I heard the front door open, and so I walked down the stairs, to see Charlie take his uniform hat off. He was the chief of police here in this little town of Forks. I loved my dad, but conversing with him was not on my top list at the moment, especially considering he avoids anything that has to do with emotion.  
Before I could turn around though, he looked at me, and frowned. "Bells, what are you doing awake at this hour? And why are your eyes red?" He asked, walking towards me. I gave him a smile, even though I'm pretty sure it came out as a grimace, and hugged him. He awkwardly hugged me back, but for now, it was all I needed. "I just couldn't sleep. I'm going back to bed though, okay? I have school. You should get some sleep too." I told him, my voice scratchy. I cleared my throat.  
He looked at me suspiciously, but otherwise nodded. We both went to our rooms, but instead of going to sleep like I said I would, I sat in the rocking chair I had since I was little. I opened the window, and I shivered since my hair was still damp, and all I had on was sweatpants, and a regular t-shirt. But I ignored the shivers, and rested my chin on my knees, looking out. It felt like I could stay there forever, and I didn't need to face anyone in the hours to come. I knew school was going to be hard, facing all those people, and the whispers that were going to come when Edward & I wouldn't be attached at the hip like we usually were. My stomach clenched when I realized that Edward himself would be going to school as well. I really, really didn't want to go in today. Maybe I could tell Charlie that I was feeling sick? He already thought that something seemed wrong, so maybe he believed me, despite my horrible lying skills.  
Yet, when 6:30 a.m. came, I got up to get ready. And by get ready I mean, putting on my black shirt, and black sweater, and old jeans. I didn't even try with my hair, just set it to a horrifying ponytail. Alice will certainly not approve.  
I didn't try to eat breakfast, or wake up Charlie to tell him I was leaving, I just got into my truck, and I drove to the place I really didn't want to go to; school.  
When I finally got there, and parked, I stayed in my car, looking around the parking lot. Emmett was already here, but I saw no sign of Edward's shiny Volvo. Sighing, I got out of the comfort of my truck, and walked towards school. People were outside, gossiping, so for now, they didn't pay me any attention. I was relieved when I got to my locker with no problem. I put my backpack in my locker, and got my math textbook, and almost dropped it when I felt how heavy it was. I've never really carried it before, Edward wouldn't let me. In that moment, I allowed myself to be grateful to Edward, because he always carried all of my heavy books to class. My face scrunched up when I realized that wasn't his job anymore.  
I sat by my locker for a while, ignoring the curious looks people gave me as they walked by. People were whispering, and I wasn't sure if it was because if it was because I wasn't with Edward, or something else entirely. I froze. "Did they know what happened yesterday?" I hoped not. The whispers would never end. I touched the end of my ponytail, biting my lip. I froze again as I heard Jessica Stanley walk by me, whispering, "Did you see Edward and Rosalie when they got here? I wonder what happened!" to Lauren.  
I looked after them, confused. Edward and Rosalie?  
When I looked at the other side of the hall, I understood. Again, it was like my heart had returned to my chest when I saw him, but it was even worse because the sight made it break all over again.  
Edward and Rosalie. Holding hands.  
He dropped Rosalie off at her first class, kissing her on the lips. I struggled to compose myself, as I watched him walk towards me, and stop in front of me.  
I said the first words that came to mind.  
"_What the fuck was that?!_"


	3. Chapter 3 Why her?

**Hey guys! :) I wanted to give ya'll one more chapter this week because your response to yesterday's chapter was AH-MA-ZING. Like, dude. I loved reading the reviews some of you left me, and I loved that some people have Favorited this story. The reviews brightened up my day, seriously. I shit you not, you made my day better by just reading them. Please send more! I love hearing from you guys!  
OH, and some of you are asking why in the world does this show up as an EdwardxBella story. I know most of you are absolutely furious at Edward right now, with good reason, but the only reason as to why I put it that way was because the story is sort of about them at the moment. Bella is still in love with Edward, and has no interest dating anyone. So, that seemed like the best reason to put that there. Please bear with me. And be angry at Edward. Seriously. It makes me happy for some reason.  
ANYWAYS, without further notice, here's the next chapter! (Probably not positing another one for the week. Although you never know!)  
Enjoy. ~**

* * *

_"What makes her so much better than me?  
What makes her just everything I can never be?  
What makes her your every dream and fantasy?  
Because I can remember when it was me."  
_~Paula DeAnda, "When It Was Me."

**Chapter 3-EW-Why ****_her?_**

Edward's green eyes looked at me, his look exasperated. All I could register in my mind was anger and shock. He sighed, and for a minute, I saw guilt in his eyes. But in a flash, it was gone. Tears welled up in my eyes, as I shoved him away from me. He clearly wasn't expecting it, as he fell on the floor on his ass. I stood over him, anger boiling my senses. I kicked his shin, hard. He grunted in pain, but didn't move.  
I needed to calm down. Everyone was looking now. So, fighting back tears, I grabbed my textbook, and walked to my first class.  
I ignored everyone's whispers, and sat in my assigned seat. Everyone finally sat down when our teacher came in the room, but that didn't stop them from glancing back at me, faces full of pity. I was disgusted. I didn't want their stupid pity.  
Classes dragged on, and ignoring everyone was getting harder by the second. I realized I was getting closer to lunchtime, and seriously considered eating in my truck. My thought process was interrupted by Alice Brandon crashing into me, hugging me tightly. I was too startled to hug her back, but that didn't seem to bother her. She pulled back, and frowned at the bags under my eyes. Her eyes turned sad as they met mine, and she whispered, "Oh, Bella. What have they done to you?"  
I didn't respond as she led me to a table by the tables, holding my hands tightly. I held onto her tightly, trying to not burst out in tears in front of her. She made me sit down on the chair closest to her, and asked if I was alright. I was about to respond that I was fine, when I saw Edward and Rosalie coming in, holding hands again. I hated the fact that my heart started beating rapidly, even though it felt like it was still in little broken pieces. Alice followed my line of sight, and said a quiet, "Oh."  
My eyes somehow caught Emmett's reaction as well. His eyes were no longer the bright cheery blue that I was used to seeing. Now, they were livid. He stood up quickly, knocking the chair beside him, and startling the people sitting there. I looked at Edward and Rosalie, and they both had different reactions. Rosalie looked smug that all the attention seemed to be on her, while Edward looked horrified, and guilty. He slowly let Rosalie's hand go, much to her confusion. Emmett stalked out of the cafeteria, not taking his livid eyes off of Edward. Edward walked to a table with Rosalie, his head down.  
I looked back at Alice, and she smiled sadly at me. "Bella, what happened? I don't understand. You're my best friend, and all you've done today is mope around, and apparently beat up Edward. And someone said that Emmett commented saying that he wanted to do much more to the guy. I don't understand what's going on." She said, waving her hands around. I sighed, biting my bottom lip. Would I be able to tell her?  
I looked back at her again, deciding that I would. How could I not? Besides, I needed someone right now. I couldn't deal with all of this on my own. It was overwhelming.  
So, I told her. I told her everything, from the clothes leading up to Edward's bedroom door, to Emmett's heartbreaking phone call. She listened patiently, nodding, and gasping at certain parts. When I was done, she hugged me tightly, and I hugged her back, needing the comfort. Suddenly, I heard a pained cry, a strange noise. "That's right, Bella." Alice whispered, rubbing my back. "Cry."  
I realized that the strange noise was me, gasping for air through the crushing pain. I could see over Alice's shoulder, that everyone was watching us. My eyes met Edward's, green eyes that were filled with guilt. Our connection was broken by Rosalie, grabbing Edward roughly to kiss him. I knew that she was claiming her territory, and I felt myself get angry. How could she? With her boyfriend's brother? Did she feel guilty at all? Her smug gaze told me the answer.  
"I don't understand." I whispered against Alice's shoulder. "What don't you understand?" She asked. I pulled back to look at her, allowing my eyes to get filled with tears. "Why did he choose her? What makes her better than I am? I mean... I understand that she's better looking, and... but... I gave him everything I had." My voice broke twice, gripping Alice's shoulders, and shaking, looking at her desperately as if she had the answers.  
The only response I got was Alice shaking her head, telling me she didn't understand either. I looked up in time to Edward and Rosalie leaving, his arm around her shoulders.  
Alice looked at me, and said, "Well... Let's see from Edward's point of view for a minute. I can tell he feels guilty, but that doesn't automatically fix everything, don't get me wrong. If I was him, I'd feel horrible. Knowing Edward and how he already blames himself for everything, this is hitting him 10x harder than anything else." She said, wiping my tears away. My bottom lip trembled, and I said, "But if he feels so guilty, why is he with her?" She sighed, and shrugged. "Maybe he thinks that nobody else will want him anymore. Damaged goods, perhaps."  
I looked at her shocked, but allowed myself to consider it. Emmett and I were certainly weren't really a part of his life anymore, and I can honestly say we were the biggest part of his life. Now that that was gone, he would think Rosalie was the only thing he had anymore. I knew Edward, and he couldn't stand not having his brother by his side, so maybe Rosalie was just there to fill a void.  
But at the same time I didn't want to make excuses for him. What he had done was the most painful thing anyone has ever done to me.  
Alice patted my arm, and helped me stand when it was time to leave the cafeteria. She kept her arm around me, squeezing every now and then. I was glad I had told her. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. I went to the rest of my classes, ignoring everyone like I had done before lunch. I was startled when I got out of my last class, and was attacked by Jessica. She grabbed my arm roughly, and asked very loudly, "Why aren't you and Edward together anymore?" I looked at her in disgust, and withdrew my arm. I didn't respond as I walked towards my locker. She followed me, asking me the same question. Finally, I couldn't take it.  
"Goddamit, Jessica! It's none of your fucking business. So, go bother someone else!" I yelled at her. She looked at me, shocked. She nodded quickly, and scattered off. I rolled my eyes, and grabbed my things. I really just wanted to get home. Suddenly, the atmosphere changed. I tensed up, as people ran past us, screaming something about a fight. It wasn't surprising that everyone wanted to see this "fight", since nothing exciting ever happened in Forks. But why did I have the urge to see this fight as well?  
I quickly grabbed my things, and ran with them. I shoved my way to the front of the crowd, and saw Emmett and Edward facing each other, dangerously close. People kept screaming encouragements to them, and I frantically looked for Rosalie, knowing she would probably put a stop to this. My eyes finally saw her, but she just looked bored, and eventually, just rolled her eyes and walked outside.  
I looked at her in disbelief. Her ex-boyfriend, and boyfriend were about to... to... KILL each other, and she didn't care?  
Finally, everyone got quiet as Emmett spoke. "You're my brother. My best friend. You're my family. How could you do this to me? To Bella?" He said, and I saw Edward flinch when he said my name. Everyone looked at me curiously, but I paid them no attention. I didn't want to get involved in their stupid fight, but did I have a choice?  
My eyes flashed to Edward as he also spoke, "Em. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking but it didn't mean anything. It really didn't."  
I blanched. It didn't mean anything?  
Without thinking, I also stepped into the circle, standing between Edward and Emmett. But instead of pushing them away from each other, I shoved Edward. "If it didn't mean a thing, why'd you do it?" I said. Edward looked at Emmett, but he offered no help. "You are such an asshole." I said seriously. "How dare you break my heart, and you know, you_ know_, how much I love you. You know I would have given my life for you, but yet you decide to dangle it in our faces the next day, kissing her, holding her hand?" I say, hitting his chest multiple times. Emmett grabbed my arms, and pulled me behind him. I wiped my tears away angrily.  
Edward just looked at us, with a pained expression, and said, "I'm sorry."  
Before I could see it coming, or before I could stop him, Emmett punched Edward square in the mouth, then kicked his gut. My stomach clenched at seeing blood on the one I loved, but I did nothing.  
"Fucking asshole." Emmett spit.  
I couldn't take anymore, so I grabbed my bags, and left the school, ignoring Edward's pained cry, Rosalie's smug look, and Emmett's livid blue eyes, using me as an excuse to corner Edward.  
I couldn't stop seeing Edward on the floor, mouth filled with blood, with guilt filled eyes. I couldn't believe everything had turned to shit in 48 hours.  
The last thing I thought before turning on my truck, and leaving the school, was,  
"What made her so much better than me?"


	4. Chapter 4: She's my life

**I swore I wasn't going to write anymore this week. But (Ana Rod) inspired me with her sweet messages, and before I knew it, I opened up a document and started writing. Go check out her blog guys! It's really, really great; .com. Your reviews brighten up my day. Please, more! I live for those now. Seriously. More reviews, more chapters! (; Anyways, this isn't the usual BPOV setting. I'm giving ya'll a treat into one of the betrayer's mind.  
Enjoy.~**

_"Marks of battle, they still feel raw,_  
_A million pieces of me on the floor,_  
_I'm damaged goods, for all to see,_  
_now who would ever want to be with me?"_  
~The Script's "Exit Wounds."  
(p.s. this song inspired this story. go ahead and listen to it!)

**Edward's POV-**

I lay on the floor, grabbing at my stomach, feeling searing pain from when Emmett kicked me there. Bella's words echoed in my mind, and I tried my best to not scream out. Slowly, I got up, and stumbled outside. Rosalie looked at me, disgusted, when I got to her.  
"Look at you! You're all covered in your mouth blood. Gross. Just take me home." She said, chewing her gum annoyingly. I glared at her, and she rolled her eyes. "Get your own ride." I spit out, leaving her there, shocked.  
I turned on my Volvo, and drove home, speeding past Bella. I will never forget the look on her face. Tears streaming down her face, gripping the steering wheel tightly.  
I got home, with that image still in my mind.  
I grimaced when I saw Emmett was already home, and knew that I deserved all those names, all those hits. I knew what I had done was wrong. A month. How could I let it go on for a fucking month-  
I barely finished the thought when I had entered the door, and something punched my gut, sending me to the floor. I coughed up more blood, looking up to see Emmett, still livid. He picked me back up, and made me look at him. "My fiancee._ I asked her to marry me, you asshole_!" He screamed, throwing me against the wall. I grunted in pain, but I didn't fight back.  
"And Bella! Jesus Christ, that girl loved you more than _anything_ in this whole entire world. You heard her. You know she would have given everything up for you. And you just throw it all away for _my fiancee_!"  
He pulled back his arm to punch me in the face, but then, something stopped him. I looked at him confused, not understanding. His eyes filled with tears, his face filled with pain. He let me go, and I slumped to the floor.  
"The worst part about all of this is that I still love her. Bella still loves you. I still love you. You're my little brother. I'll always love you." He whispered.  
He glanced down at me, shook his head, and said, "Don't ever talk to me again. I pity the girl who's going to end up with you." He walked away towards his bedroom. My mind echoed Bella and Emmett's words over, and over again.  
_""How dare you break my heart, and you know, you know, how much I love you."_  
_""You're my brother. My best friend. You're my family. How could you do this to me? To Bella?"_  
_"I pity the girl who's going to end up with you."_

Darkness threatened to overtake, and closing my eyes, I let it.

~

My sleep was interrupted by a female's panicked shout, and someone shaking me. My injuries hurt worse when someone started shaking me.

"Edward! Oh my goodness, no, what happened to you? Honey, wake up, wake up!" The female cried. I opened my eyes slightly when I realized that it was Esme. She was crying, and my head was on her lap. "Mom..." I whispered.  
Her eyes filled with more tears, and she said, "Edward, sweetheart, why are you like this? What happened?"  
My eyes closed when I remembered what I had done. How was I ever going to be able to look at my family in the eye? They loved Rosalie. They loved Bella even more. Her face when she walked into my room flashed in front of my eyes. Her face when she saw me kissing Rosalie. Her face when Alice hugged her, and she started sobbing.

Her face when she screamed at me, telling me that she would have done everything for me.

Oh, Isabella, what I have done?

_Bella. Isabella, I'm so sorry. I love you, I'm sorry._

"What about Bella? What are you sorry for?" Mom said, wiping away her tears. I realized I had spoken my thoughts out loud.  
I looked at my mother again, and I felt my eyes well up with tears. I gripped her arm, and I whispered, "Mom, I'm so sorry. I'm damaged goods. Nobody will want to love me anymore."  
She looked at me confused, and I took advantage of her gentle touch right now. This would most likely be the last time she would ever look at me with that loving gaze. "I fucked up so bad, Ma." I whispered.

The darkness whispered to me, "Come to me. I'll make you forget for a little while."

I felt my eyes roll back, and I let it come over me again, as I heard my mom shout out for Emmett.

When I awoke again, I was in my bed. I looked around confused, not remembering how I got there. When I started sitting up, pain shot at me everywhere. I layed back down with a frustrated groan. The door opened and Carlisle walked in, with a tight smile. He sat by me on the bed, but didn't say anything. I stared at the ceiling, knowing that he already knew everything that had happened.

"Son..." Carlisle started, "you know we love you and Emmett. We love you both equally, and nothing you guys ever do is going to stop your mother and I from loving you."  
I nodded, gulping. He looked at me again, a bit of anger flashing in his eyes. "We love you. We'll never stop loving you. But what you did..." He shook his head, and sighed deeply. I didn't respond, but he didn't continue. "Here's your pain pills. I'm guessing your brother didn't go easy on you." He said, placing pills on my tongue. I pretended to swallow them before he gave me the water. He smiled at me, and said, "We'll talk about it when you get better."  
He walked out of the room, and I spit out the pills. I looked at them briefly, thinking, "I deserve this pain. I deserve all of it. I lost Bella, I lost Emmett. I'm a fucking asshole."

I curled into a ball, trying to ignore the pain, and laid there, awake, in the room where I betrayed her, for the rest of the night.

"Now who would ever want to be with _me_?" I cried out, feeling every injury, on my body.

I kept repeating that sentence over and over again, not understanding why I let it go on for so long. In reality, I didn't even like Rosalie. I thought she was shallow, and annoying.

But one night, when Emmett left to get food, and we were left alone, we just talked. Everything got so intense, and she looked beautiful. Bella was at the back of my mind, but when Rosalie's lips met mine, nothing existed.

I know it sounds like I'm in love with Rosalie, but I had been holding back with Bella so much lately, that I needed someway to relieve myself. But I had never planned to use my brother's girlfriend. That was never my plan, and now I regretted every second of it.

I got up, and walked to the glass door, looking down. I could easily let myself fall, if I wanted to. I realized that in that moment, there was no meaning to life anymore.

Love. Life. Meaning. _Over._

Smiling, I closed my eyes. I stepped over the edge of the window, ready to let myself fall.

"Bella, I love you."

Ignoring my common sense, I jumped.


	5. Chapter 5 Don't give up

**Hey guys! Sorry for not posting for so long. Sooo, I have news. I have a last minute planned trip to be going to California this Thursday. So, I will not be posting until mayyybee like Thursday of next week. I decided to write this chapter up for you guys, because I'll be busy tomorrow and early Thursday morning. Sorry guys, it was really last minute. BTW, moremoremore reviews! I love those!**  
**Anyways, I really hope you like this chapter. :) **  
**Enjoy.~**

* * *

_"Bet your window's rolled down and your hair's pulled back_

_And I bet you got no idea you're going way too fast_

_You're trying not to think about what went wrong_

_Trying not to stop 'til you get where you going'_

_You're trying to stay awake so I bet you turn on the radio_

_And the song goes_

_I can't live without you, I can't live without you, baby._"  
Highway Don't Care by Tim McGraw ft. Taylor Swift & Keith Urban. 

**Bella's POV-**

I stopped at as gas station, and could practically feel my poor truck's relief. I patted its dashboard, trying to sooth it.  
I leaned back against my chair, rubbing my face. My eyes hurt from crying, and I felt physically exhausted. I realized that I really didn't know where I was. I just kept driving, deciding that Forks was not the place where I wanted to be in that particular moment. I had stopped in front my house, biting my lip, pondering.

Did I really want to go inside and lay in my bed, crying, and ignoring Charlie's knocks on the door? Did I really want Charlie to see me like that? In the end, I had decided to just keep going was the good way to go.

So, now I found myself at a random gas station, with no idea of where I was. Yet, I wasn't frightened. I knew I had made the right choice, because I felt better. I really did. Being miles away from the Cullen's was exactly what I needed.

It suddenly occurred to me that if I wanted to, I could never go back. I could just keep driving, find a place to live with the money that I had in my bank account, and never go back. I would simply live my life, and forget. Heal.

I toyed with the idea as I got out of my truck to put some fuel in it. I decided that it was entirely too quiet, so I turned on some music. I hummed along to the music, when I had realized that it was the song that Edward had sung to me the night he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I wiped tears away from my eyes, and when I finished putting the fuel in, I got in my car, and grabbed my phone. I frantically searched for that particular song, and played it when I found it. I laid down on the seat of my truck, and closed my eyes. I let myself pretend that I wasn't stuck at a random gas station, that I was back in Forks, and was in front of Edward's house, his fingers stroking my hair, as I laid my head on his lap. I pretended to hear his silky voice sing the lyrics to me, I pretended to feel him lean down, and whisper in my ear, "Bella. Be my girlfriend."

The imagining stopped when the song did, and I was surprised that there was no tears. I actually felt at peace. I grabbed my phone, and shakily prepared myself to delete it. When I was about to press confirm, someone knocked on the window of my truck. I jumped quickly, and turned. My eyes met with icy blue eyes, and brown hair, and a crooked smile. I opened the door, and hopped out.

"Um, hey. I'm sorry if I'm being creepy here being all by myself at a gas station, I just... I'll just leave right now." I said, not giving him a chance to actually say anything.  
His smile softened, and he said, "No, you don't have to leave, you just... I don't know, I just saw you crying, and... Are you okay?"  
My soft smile dropped, and I shuffled my feet. I shrugged, feeling weak. Tears flooded my eyes again, and I looked away in pathetic way. I startled when I felt him grasp my hand, pulling me close. This was a stranger. I couldn't hug him. He could be a murderer for all I know!  
But in spite of all of that, I embraced him back, enjoying the feel of his strong arms around me. He smelled like fall, and spicy cinnamon. I held him as close as I dared, and wondered why this didn't seem wrong. My heart belonged to Edward, and I knew this. A part of it would always belong to him, but when this random boy held me tighter, I liked it. I wanted him to hold me tighter, and for a minute, my dead heart beat.  
The stranger leaned his head on mine, stroking my back, pulling back to cup my face. My hands automatically went to his forearms, and I felt the breath leave my body when my brown eyes met his icy blue.

_Beautiful._

He smiled at me, like he knew what I was thinking, and said, "I'm John." I nodded, and said, "Isabella. But, I prefer Bella." He nodded, and guided me to my truck. I sat on the seat sideways, while he leaned on the truck door. He kicked my foot, and I kicked his too. He tilted his head, and asked, "Why are you here?"  
I shrugged and said, "I needed to get away." He nodded, and said no more. I had a feeling he wasn't going to push, but I needed to tell someone what had happened. I felt the whole in my chest, burning, stinging. So, I blurted out, "I caught my boyfriend with his brother's girlfriend."  
The silence was long, and maddening, so I blurted out again, "Having sex. In his room. Then he started like, holding her, and kissing her the next day. Right in front of me and his brother. I left school, and I don't know what to do. What do I do, really? I can't change what he did. I love him. But I can't forgive him. I want to forgive him. I want to forget this ever happened, but on the inside I know I can't, because there's no doubt in my mind that anything is better than me. I mean, he went for his brother's gorgeous girlfriend. She's probably the only girl I know who's physically flawless. I don't know what to do. I love him; he's like my heartbeat. I just..." I bit my lip, "I just feel like I'm nothing. I feel like I'll never be able to kiss, or show affection to another guy, let alone love. It's like he ruined me for all others."

He said nothing throughout my rant, and pondered my words in silence. He smiled, and said, "But you showed affection to me. You hugged me. Really tightly, I might add."

I blushed furiously, and muttered, "You're the one who pulled me in."

He laughed, and said, "Well. I think he's an absolute jackass. When did this happen?"  
"Yesterday," I said. He frowned and said, "When did he start kissing that girl in front of everyone?"

"Today."

He whistled, and shook his head. He glanced at me, his eyes softening. I thought I heard him mumble, "fucking asshole." but I wasn't too sure.

His eyes lit up suddenly, and he grinned. He grabbed my hand, tugging. "Let me drive you to California." He said.

My eyes widened, and I shook my head immediately. He grinned higher, and he said, "Come on. The beach is there. I'll even show you my favorite spot. Just imagine it."

I kept shaking my head, but in my mind, I considered it. The beach, the ocean. Peacefulness. With a boy who seemed to make me feel better by just holding my hand.

"I have to get back to Forks. My dad's got to be worried." I explained.

He raised his eyebrow, and said, "Just go with me next week. It's spring break. Go with me for a week."

I bit my lip to hide my smile. I actually really did want to go. Finally, I looked at him, and smiled. I nodded, and he took me by surprise by grabbing me around the waist, pulling me out of the truck, and spinning me around in his arms. My head spun, but I took the opportunity to smell him again. What the hell was I thinking? I just met him. I couldn't do this.

But when I pulled back and looked at his smile, I thought, _"Maybe I can_."

~

He offered to drive me back home, which he did. I slept most of the trip, and soon enough, I looked to see that we were at my house. Charlie's room light was on, as was the living-room light. It was 6 a.m. I felt guilty.

I looked back at John to thank him, when I noticed how close he really was. My face instantly flushed, and I froze completely.

_Don't kiss me. Don't kiss me._

Thankfully, he didn't. He seemed to see the fear on my face, and gave me a wolfy smile. He leaned back again, and said, "Be packed for Cali."

When I turned around to open the door, I swear I felt his hand linger on my hand. I looked back a lot until I finally reached the door.

I noticed the big smile on my face, and tried to control myself.  
"Isabella Swan! Where have you been?" I heard Charlie shout.

I winced, and was shocked when I saw his sad eyes, instead of angry ones.

"Dad, what's wrong?" I asked, hoping it didn't involve anyone I loved.

My fears were proven right.

His next words made my blood freeze, and made my head fuzzy.

"Edward tried to commit suicide."


	6. Chapter 6 How could you do it?

**Hey guys! I just got back from California last night, so this is why this is up so late. So. I'm tired. But thank you all who stuck around! Soooo, yep. School is starting in a couple of days. So, I won't update as much. BEAR WITH ME! :)**

Enjoy it.~

* * *

"_And when it rains  
Will you always find an escape?  
Just running away,  
From all of the ones who love you,  
From_ _everything_."

When It Rains - Paramore.

* * *

**Bella's POV-**

_  
_ I flew through the doors of the hospital, into the waiting room. I frantically looked for a nearby nurse, and stopped in my tracks when I saw Esme's tear-filled eyes. She quickly came over to me, and hugged me tightly, squeezing the air out of me. Regardless, I hugged her back, just as tight. I pulled back to look at her, and asked, "How is he?"

She shrugged, and said, "Carlisle still hasn't come back to tell me news. Emmett left to get me a cup of coffee." My stomach squeezed, and I gripped her hand tightly.  
"How... How did he do it?" I asked, afraid of hearing of how the love of my life had tried to take his life. Her lip trembled, and she said, "He jumped from his window." At her words, my legs almost gave out. The window never seemed so high from the ground until now. I imagined how they found him, lying almost lifeless on the grass, how horrifying the sight must have been.

As I opened my mouth to reply, I saw Carlisle walking towards us. His face seemed relaxed, and my anxiety seemed to decease a little. It surely wasn't too bad if he looked like that about his own son. Esme turned, and immediately started attacking him with questions. He tried his best to calm her down, and in their conversation I heard, "He's fine. I don't know how, but he doesn't have any major injuries. He hit his head a bit too hard, but that's it. He's okay, Esme. He's okay."

My nose wrinkled at him being hurt at all, but my mind kept whispering, "_Thank God. He's not dead. He's okay. He's alive."_

Carlisle looked at me to my surprise, and said, "He keeps whispering your name."

My lips pursed, as I quietly asked, "Can I see him?" Carlisle seemed to ponder it for a moment, but nodded his head. "Sure. He's asleep right now, and I wouldn't recommend waking him up." I nodded, and let him guide me to his room.

When we got there, he smiled, and let me alone with him. I opened the door, and my breath caught when I saw him. His arms were covered in a couple of bruises, and his head was wrapped up. I quietly walked towards his bed, and reached out for his hand. My heart seemed to return to my chest, and pumped against it. A sigh escaped my lips as my hand met his. This was the first time I touched him in days, that hadn't involved pushing him away from me, or slapping him. His knuckles seemed bruised as well, and I raised his hand to kiss them. The blue eyed boy didn't make the hurt go away like my green eyed boy did. I wished I could see his eyes staring at me lovingly again. He sighed in his sleep, and I bit my lip when I heard him whisper softly, "Bella."

How could I ever forgive him? How could I ever not think about what he did to me? But, how could I ever stop loving him this way? This was forever. Maybe not to him, but it was to me. He would always have a part of me, no matter what happened.

But then I thought about Emmett. Wouldn't I be personally offending him if I agreed to be Edward's again? After all, he did mess with his girlfriend. Besides, Edward hadn't even really apologized to me. Would I take him back if he did? If he offered me his love again, would I be stupid enough to accept it?

The answer to that scared me.

When Edward stirred again in his sleep, threatening to wake up, I almost let go of his hand. What if he woke up, and just found me here staring at him? Wouldn't that be creepy?

Before I had a chance to run for it, his eyes opened, meeting mine immediately.

Tears filled my eyes, and they fell before I could stop them.

His face filled with sadness, and his eyes darted down to the hand that was holding his. I watched his face fill with confusion, and hurt, as I withdrew it.

I grabbed his face between my hands, my teary brown eyes staring straight into his surprised emerald green ones.

My voice was raspy as I said, "Don't you_ ever_ do that again. Do you hear me? What were you thinking? Esme is out there crying her eyes out, and Emmett is sitting there worried sick."

His face filled with guilt as I mentioned Esme. He nodded in agreement, but suddenly, his expression changed. It had mixed emotions, and I was immediately reminded that I was still holding Edward's face in my hand reached up to hold mine, as he leaned into my touch. Before I knew it, his lips leaned in to touch mine.

His hands immediately fisted my hair, holding me in place, as if he was scared that I would disappear. I closed my eyes, but my lips were still against his desperate ones. His tongue asked for entranced that I denied, and he clutched me closer, breathing me in. I didn't object when his hand went up my front, clawing panicky at my stomach. I gasped softly when his hand reached up to touch my breast, and was quickly reminded that I hadn't worn a bra. He took advantage of my parted lips, and sneaked his tongue in my mouth. I quickly climbed on the bed, straddling him.

I'm sure it was quite a scene, him struggling to lean up, his hand on my breast, kissing me passionately, and me fisting his hair with both my hands.

When his hand left my hair, and went to unzip my pants, I recovered.

I pulled away from his lips, and said, "No."

He stopped, and I notice that his face was full of tears. He nodded, and slowly withdrew both his hands.

I got off of him, and looked at him.

"I love you." He whispered, his voice somehow cracking.

I shook my head, and I said, "I don't believe you."

Wishing desperately that my blue eyed boy was here with me, I walked out the door.

I guess it was time to pack for California.

* * *

**I'll try to update soon! Read another little short story called, "Far Away." that I wrote on my way back from California. I'd appreciate it. REVIEW PLEASE! :)  
~dontyouthink13**


	7. Chapter 7

*******_PLEASE READ ME*  
_****  
OH MY GOODNESS I'M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG. Guise. I have bad news.**

FROM NOW ON, I WILL ONLY POST STORIES ON FRIDAYS. I literally have no time during the week, cause I just entered High School. And it's freaking crazy.

SO. Only on Friday's from now on. Sorry. D;  
~dontyouthink13

* * *

"_You're like an indian summer in the middle of winter,_  
_Like a hard candy with a surprise center,_  
_How do I get better once I've had the best?_  
_You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test_."

Thinking Of You, by Katy Perry.

**Bella's POV-**

I zipped up the zipper on my suitcase, and smiled softly at myself. I had _finally_ finished packing for California.

I had called John after my... encounter with Edward, and if he noticed that I was sobbing, he didn't comment on it. He seemed okay with leaving a day early than what was planned, and as soon as we finished talking, I started packing.

I packed photos of people, unconsciously, and almost packed the picture of Edward kissing my cheek, while I grinned at the camera. In the back-round, you can see La Push, and other kids playing in the freezing water, but you can also see the sunset. I sat down on my floor, staring at it. If I looked close enough, I could see the sand in Edward's bronze hair, and I could also see some on my neck. I noticed that I was wearing his jacket that day, even though it looked to be soaking wet.

I'll never forget how he looked at me.

~_flashback_

I stood staring at the other little kids, playing, screeching when the cold waves caught up to them. I noticed Edward running to me, now soaking wet, and very much shirtless, and I screamed when he hit me, pushing me to the ground. But as always, even when I fell, he made sure to land underneath me. I huffed, but I couldn't stay mad at his silly smile. I wiped the sand away from his eyes, his lips, his eyebrows, while he just stared at me. His piercing green eyes looked intensely into mine, and I blushed, wondering, "How can we feel so strongly for each other_?"_

_ Interrupting my thought process, he leaned up to kiss my lips, to which I immediately responded to. I tugged his hair, while he held my face with both hands. Slowly, without breaking the kiss, he sat up, and reached to put his arm underneath my knees. I hummed when he started caressing the skin there. Then without warning, he stood up, carrying me bridal style. I quickly knew his intention._

_ "_Edward Anthony Cull-_" He cut off my scream with a kiss, as he made us both jump into the freezing ocean. I held on to him, and gasped for air when we went to the surface. I coughed, feeling water in my ears. I scowled at him, but before I could say anything, he let me stand. I huffed, and frowned when I saw that his jacket was ruined. Before I could say anything, I felt his hand tug my head back, pulling me in to kiss him. I kissed him back, surprised at the passion of the kiss. He pulled back when I was gasping for air, and whispered, "_Bella, I love you._"_

_ My heart thumped against my chest, and I kissed him again. He repeated it, and repeated it, and I smiled when I realized he was worried that I wasn't saying it back._

_ I pulled back, to look at his concerned gaze. I grabbed one of his hands with both of mine, and rested it against my chest, where he could feel the thump-thump of my heart._

_ His smile turned soft, his gaze loving, and I didn't know what to say._

_ So, I said the thing that made most sense._

_ "_Forever._"_

~_now_

I smiled at the memory, but in my heart, I knew I would never look at La Push the same way ever again.

I jumped when I heart my phone ring, and I picked it up, glancing at the ID Caller. _My blue eyed boy.  
_  
_"_Hey, you." He said, after I whisper, "Hello?" I secretly smile, and I say, "How are you?"  
He whistles, and I can almost see him shrugging. "I'm okay. Really excited for tomorrow. Are you all packed?" I almost nod, but I remember he can't actually see me. "Yeah, I just finished." I clear my throat, glancing at the picture again, and I feel like it's mocking me. _Bella Swan, how dare you. Enjoying your blue eyed boy's voice right after you were thinking about your green eyed boy._

"Bella?" He asks.

I hum to let him know I'm listening.

"I really can't wait to see you."

Suddenly, my heart returns to my chest, and I can feel blood pulsing in my veins, for just one minute.

"Yeah, me too." 

* * *

**I MIGHT POST ANOTHER ONE ON SATURDAY, BECAUSE THIS WASN'T VERY LONG BUT I'LL POST ANOTHER ONE RIGHT NOW FOR "FAR AWAY."**

REMEMBER, ONLY POSTING ON FRIDAYS. THANK YOU ALL FOR STICKING WITH ME.

~dontyouthink13


	8. Chapter 8 You're my air

**Hey guys! Sorry I didn't post yesterday, had TOOONNNS of homework. High School is crazy man.  
I'll be posting a chapter for Far Away as well!**

Enjoy~

* * *

"_Stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,_  
_Stay with me, let's try to be the best that we can be,_  
_and take our time_."  
Stay With Me - Colbie Caillat.

**Bella's POV-**

  
I jumped up when I heard the doorbell ring, and ran to the door, ready to see him. Charlie grunted when I opened the door, and I knew he was getting up to meet the boy who was taking me so far away for a week.

I took a deep breath, and I opened the door.

_There he is..._

His blue eyes glowed brighter than anything else, his surfer shorts were grey, and he was wearing a polo, blue, blue like the sky on a sunny day, the beautiful kind. He smiled at me, and I knew he felt the connection I was suddenly feeling too. He reached out, and I reached out, and we met halfway. His strong arms wrapped around my waist, mine reaching around his back, pulling at the shirt, pulling him closer. One hand reaching up into my hair, tugging softly, my lips at the start of his neck. He was so tall. Taller than...

_Stop comparing them._

He seemed a bit shocked at my need of physical touch, and when he pulled back, my eyes glanced down at his pink, full lips. They seemed so soft, and I wondered for a minute, how would they taste? He seemed to be studying my lips as well, and when he leaned down, I gripped his hair tightly, but was a bit disappointed when he only kissed the corner of my top lip. But my theory was correct. They were so, so, so soft.

I pulled back, thinking, "Silly, Bella. He doesn't want to kiss you." He opened his mouth to protest, but Charlie finally arrived at the door, unaware that the boy in front of us was about to kiss his almost 18 year old daughter.

John smiled politely at him, and reached out to shake his hand.

"You better take care of my daughter now," Charlie said, glancing at the television, knowing he was losing his precious TV time. I smiled, knowing my plan of Charlie not putting much of a fuss of me leaving was working. He was practically itching to get back to his sofa, and watch the game. I grabbed my suitcase, and protested when John grabbed it before me. His blue eye winked at me, and I was speechless.

Charlie seemed unaware of my strange attraction to a boy whom I did not know at all. He kissed me awkwardly on the cheek, and I grabbed my bag, smiling widely.

I turned on my phone, knowing that I would probably need it in case Charlie called. My smile faded, and my beating heart seemed to distance itself from my chest, when I saw Edward's God-like face, pop up on my screen. _2 missed calls._ _1 voicemail._ I took a deep breath, and clicked on it. Tears sprang in my eyes at his silk-soft voice, saying, "_Hey, love. I heard from Alice that you're going to California for the week... I just wanted you to know that I'll miss you. I love you. So much. Esme, and Carlisle says hi. Please come back to me."_

I pressed 7 to delete it, grabbing onto the countertop to steady myself. Every day since what happened between us in the hospital, he's been determined to "win me back." He's even got Alice helping him out, and I swear, I'm about to give in. His words, telling me sweet things, promises of forever, were too much for my non-exsitant heart.

So, I looked back at the waiting icy blue eyed boy, and walked out the front door.

~

The drive was long, and tiresome. I hated how tired I was, and how unbelievably flawless he still looked when he was tired. It really wasn't fair.

But when we finally got there...

"Holy Cow!" I yelled, when I saw the humongous mountains everywhere. He grinned at my reaction, and said, "I knew you would love it."

"_Stay With Me,"_ by Colbie Caillat played, and when he turned it up, I blushed furiously at the words. I looked at everything outside the window, and he pulled down the window for me, so I could reach out towards the branches. I tried to memorize the smell of summer here, and I laughed harder at every joke he said, and I smiled at him. And for once, when he reached out to hold my hand, I didn't pull back, or slap it away. I held it tighter, trying to memorize the way his rough fingers felt against my soft ones. He stopped at some apartments, and said, "Do you want to see the beach?"

I smiled widely, and grabbed one of his hands with both of mine, and said, "Can we please?"

He smiled widely back, and said, "Let's go." He opened the door for me, and got the necessary things. I gasped softly when my feet touched the hot, soft sand. He noticed, and said, "Watch out, don't burn yourself now."

There wasn't very many people here, but his blue eyes made me forget anything that didn't have to do with him, and the feeling of the sand between my toes. He smiled crookedly, and he picked me up bridal style. I yelped in delight, and he ran us towards the water. The water was freezing cold, and I pulled myself closer to him, to try to hold onto his body warmth. I watched in fascination as his skin got goosebumps. He let me down, and I played around, feeling free, feeling good.

I was freezing cold, but I didn't care. He splashed me, and I splashed him back, and I ran away from him playfully, and when he caught me from behind, he spun me around. Colbie's words from "You Got Me," played in my mind.

"_Oh, I just cant get enough _  
_How much do I need to fill me up? _  
_It feels so good it must be love _  
_Its everything that I've been dreaming of. _  
_I give up. I give in. I let go. _  
_Lets begin. _  
_'Cause no matter what I do, _  
_ My heart is filled with you_."

Suddenly, when the laughter faded, and I said, "I like you," the atmosphere changed. His smile got more serious, and he creeped closer. He grabbed my hand gently between his, and he said, "I like you too."

My heart jumped in my throat, as his sticky, sand filled hands reached out to grab my chin.

I was impatient. I wanted him to kiss me, so bad. I wanted to feel his soft lips against mine, because in that moment, they belonged there.

But another reason of why I needed him so badly in that moment, was to forget Edward. I didn't want him to be the only one I had kissed. I wasn't the only one _he_ had kissed. He'd kissed his brother's girlfriend. Wasn't it fair that I would feel someone else pressed up against me?

So I reached up into his hair, stood on my tippie-toes, and kissed him. Hard.

He didn't seem to mind though, when his arms wrapped around my waist, and pulled me in closer. He lifted me up, and I automatically wrapped my legs around his waist, and I wasn't shocked when he moaned softly into my mouth. Our kiss was soft, loving, desperate, sweet. It was filled with the promise of more first-kisses, and possibly more.

I didn't think losing my virginity is a big deal, I always thought that I would probably lose it with Edward. But no, he wanted me to stay untouched until we were married, but of course, _he got to lose his virginity before that._

When John's hands creeped up, and rested on my thighs, I wasn't afraid. I knew that he would be the one I would give myself to for the first time. I didn't love him. But I needed him. He was my air, right now, the air that had been taken from me by another flawless green eyed boy. I knew what I wanted. I throbbed for it.

I pulled my legs from his waist, but I did not break the kiss. When I did, his icy blue eyes were darker, filled with lust. I'm sure my brown eyes were too.

I reached up, and I whispered into his ear, "Make love to me."

His hands tightened on my waist, and he held my hand, as we walked, or ran, back to the apartments.

* * *

**CLIFFHANGERRRRR**.

Posting a new Far Away! :D

~dontyouthink13


	9. Chapter 9 I want to love you

**I'm in the zone, so here's another one for EW.**

~dontyouthink13

* * *

_"Your heart's against my chest _  
_Lips pressed to my neck _  
_I've fallen for your eyes _  
_But they don't know me yet _

_And the feeling I forget _  
_I'm in love now _

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved _  
_Wanna be loved _  
_Wanna be_ _loved_."  
Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran.

**Bella's POV-**

We got into the room he had gotten for us, and the sun was setting. He turned on some music, and I smiled when I heard Ed Sheeran through the speakers. His words fit the situation. I wanted to be loved. In this moment, I wanted to be lost in the icy blue eyes, and in his body warmth. I wanted him to have a part of me nobody could take away from him. He walked towards me, his eyes uncertain, my eyes reassuring. He kisses me, softly, and I feel his hands untying the strings on my shirt. I unbutton his polo, and I shudder when he touches the new, revealed skin. Skin that has only been touched by one other person.

He knows. He whispers how much he's sorry, and that he knows that I love that green eyed boy. I pull him in closer, and I say, "But I think I love you too." and it hits me, how true the words are. The phone calls. The feel of his touch. His voice. The need to have him in a way only a woman can. His lust-filled eyes meet mine, and even though he doesn't say anything to my words, he shows me that he feels the exact same way towards me.

I lay on the bed, gripping the pillow underneath my head, as his hands touch up my legs, my stomach, over my breasts, and to my lips. He scoots downwards, and pushes my skirt off, leaving me in panties. I'm briefly self-conscious, but those thoughts go away, as he purposely breathes hot air against my most sensitive spot. I grip his hair, and I arch my back. The feeling, so unfamiliar, but so addicting.

I shakily moan, when I feel his tongue on my thigh, and gasp when he tugs my underwear down. His hands reach underneath my shirt, grasping my breast, and tears fill my eyes, and I ache. He finally uses his mouth against me, doing sinful things, sucking, licking, kissing. The faster he goes, the more the tightness in my stomach increases. Finally, I choke out his name, and have my first orgasm.

_Fireworks. An Earthquake. Him._

As I lay against the bed, shaking, recovering, he kisses his way up my body, and kisses me hard, and my lower body shifts, and he smiles against my lips. I shift again when he strokes me with a finger, and I say, "I don't know why it's doing that."

He grins, and he says, "It's looking for me." I look at him, confused, when he unbuckles his pants, and takes off his shirt. I help him take off his pants and boxers, and I know what he means now.

_"It's looking for me."_

He takes off my shirt, and bra, and pulls up the covers, over us, much to my pleasure. He kisses my neck, and I grip his hair tightly. I'm so impatient. I need him. So. Much.

"Please," I whisper, as he puts a condom on. "Need me." I whisper, and his eyes dart to my face. He grips my face, and he leans down, whispering against my lips. "I need you. I'll never hurt you. You know why?"  
"Why?" I whimper, as I feel the tip of him finding it's way inside me. He doesn't respond, instead takes his time, his forearms on the sides of my face, my hands scratching at his back, pushing his way inside. I squeeze my eyes tight, when I feel the pain, the burn. My innocence is gone. It's his. Forever.

_Finally._ He's inside, and he's still and he leans down, trying not to move, and he says against my neck, "Because I'm in love with you."

"Jesus," I cry out, when he finally starts to move, feeling myself trying to invite him in, feeling how my body was meant for this joining. His moans are soft, quiet, caressing every part of me, caressing parts of me nobody has ever touched before, and I realize, that because of this moment, this boy, would have a piece of my heart that nobody could take away from him.

We keep going, as I press open mouth kisses to his neck, tug at his hair, and love him, in the only way I could.

He falls more in love with me, a person who's broken, and will probably never love him back in the way he deserves, but right now, it's okay. Because right now, we belong together.

I arch my back when I orgasm, moaning, and he moans back, my orgasm triggering his.

As he pulls out, and throws away the condom, I see another 3 missed calls from the green eyed boy, a boy that was unaware of the fact that I just gave a part of myself I had promised I would only reserve for him.

But when my blue eyed boy wraps me in his arms, and presses kisses to my face, strokes my hair, and says, "You did so good," my heart doesn't belong to the green eyed boy. It belongs only for the blue eyed boy, because he is my air.

But inside, I knew that even though my blue eyed boy was my air, my green eyed boy, was my heart.

* * *

~dontyouthink13


	10. Chapter 10 Seeing stars

**Hey**,** guys! I'm thinking about just posting on Saturdays, turns out I'm way too busy on Friday's as well.  
But anyways, here's another chapter! I hope you enjoy!  
Send me reviews! I adore those little messages. They make me think of more things to write about.  
~dontyouthink13 **

* * *

****"_Oh, I've loved you from the start,_

_In every single way,_

_And more each passing day,_  
_You are brighter than the stars,_  
_Believe me when I say,_  
_It's not about your scars,_  
_It's all about your heart."_

All About Your Heart - Mindy Gledhill.

**Bella's POV-**

When I wake up, I can see the sunlight coming in through the windows. The room is colored in a soft orange, due to the sunrise. I forget for a minute, that I am in California. I forget that I'm completely naked right now. I think I am in Edward's arms, and that we overslept over his alarm, the alarm he always readied for when he needed to leave in the middle of the night. I feel his arms around me, but he smells different. Wrong, almost. My sheets aren't usually this soft, and I realize I'm naked. Edward would absolutely not be okay with it, so why am I lying on his naked chest? My nose scrunches up in confusion, and when I see brown chest hairs, instead copper-red ones, I remember.

I remember _everything._

The whole thing. I am no longer a virgin. I'm no longer a child. Almost 18, and I lost my virginity last night, to my blue eyed boy. I feel myself shift as I remember. I raise my head to look at him, and he's sleeping peacefully, arms tight, and warm around me. I remember the words he uttered to me, while I gave him the one thing that I was supposed to keep for a green eyed boy.

"_I would never hurt you."  
_"_Because I'm in love with you."_

I gently untangle myself from his arms, and pick up his shirt, and tug it on while I try to walk to the bathroom. My legs are shaky, and that particular spot of me feels sore... But it's not as bad as I thought it would be. It was just like a soreness after going to the gym. Nothing.  
I lock the bathroom door, and look at myself in the mirror. My cheeks are flushed red, and my eyes are shining. My heart feels lighter, like there's no hole in it, for now. I wonder how long it'll last, before the piercing pain comes back to me.

But when I look in the mirror again, I allow myself to close my eyes, to remember every single detail of last night. I don't want to forget a single thing.

I remember Ed Sheeran singing softly in the background, the song on repeat, singing about falling for eyes that don't know you yet.

I remember his mouth on places that I have never touched myself, the room becoming hot, and I remember fireworks bursting in my body.

I remember icy blue staring into bitter-brown, holding hands, only feeling his constant warmth. His sweet words.

"_I'm in love with you."_

My lips smile without command, and I remember the unexplainable feeling of being filled for the first time, in a way only my blue eyed boy deserved.

My fingertips travel to my lips, and I remember the open-mouth kisses to his soft neck, trying to keep quiet.

My fingertips travel to caress my cheeks, and I remember the way he held my face, swearing he would never hurt me.

Could it be... that I really was falling in love with John? The thought confuses me, because I had already decided that Edward was forever. It was eternal, undying, undoubtful.

I look at my reflection again, and run my fingers through my hair. My face is scrunched up in confusion, not knowing how in the world this happened.

I jump when I hear a knock on the door, and I hear John's muffled words saying, "Bella. Are you alright? I woke up like 5 minutes ago, and you've just... been standing there. Is everything okay?" I hear his voice, and I grin, and yank the door open, my confusion stored away for some other day. His gaze turns from concerned, to confused, to goofy, as he grins stupidly, right back at me. For a minute, we just look at each other with these expressions on our faces, and I know he's thinking about last night. How impossible it seemed before it actually happened. How it seemed like it was actually supposed to happen. Finally, I can't take it, and grab a fistful of his hair, and pull his face down to mine, immediately searching for his lips. He quickly helps, and leans down, and kisses me. Soon, my legs are around his waist, and he's tugging his shirt off my body. I don't mind, because I need him again. Those feelings were last night were too unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable, but they were wonderful as well.

When he's done making me see fireworks with his mouth, he pulls the covers on us again, and grabs a condom. I stop him and say, "Take the covers off." He raises an eyebrow, but complies. He slips the condom on, and in the pure nakedness of both us, nothing hiding us from anything, not even when my phone vibrates from a call of green eyed boy, John simply turns off my phone, knowing, and loves me again, and makes me sees stars, like never before.

~...

He's asleep again, and I stare at him, brushing his hair out of his face, and smile when he randomly holds me tightly against him. The soreness between my legs doesn't exist, and I know we should be out playing in the beach or something, but I lay in bed, knowing that when he wakes up, he'll want me again.  
And God knows I want him too.

~...

My phone rings after my blue eyed boy makes me see stars two more times, and I answer, forgetting to look at the ID caller.  
"Hello?" I say, my voice happy, chipper.

"Bella, sweetheart." A green eyed silky soft love voice responds.

_ Oh, here's the hole in my chest. I was wondering when you were coming.  
_

Silly Bella. Nothing lasts forever, don't you remember?

* * *

~**dontyouthink13**


End file.
